Wednesday, Mar. 01, 2006 - 12:42 P.M.
I miss him. I miss my best friend.
I miss yelling at him, reminding him of stuff,
laughing with him, singing in the car (off-key),
making plans for simple pleasures.
I miss him calling me "Janni-Anne", a nickname my mother hated so he would call me that to tease her.
His pillow still smells like him.
I open the bottle of Eddie Bauer "Pure" that he loved to wear.
I think about that horrendous trip to New Mexico when he left because he feared dying if he stayed here. I play the "what if " game a lot.
she is a widow now I heard somebody whisper in the store yesterday, like it is contagious.
If one more person tells me that "Time will heal" I am gonna puke. Seriously. It has not even been a month since the funeral! I know that I have been expected to work fast in the past. I am grieving as fast as I can. In my nightshirt. With no plans to force myself to do anything today. I am not depressed; I am sad. I am bone tired weary.There is a difference.
I needed to be strong for him during kidney failure, heart failure, and cancer. Now I need to be strong for me. G_d help me. still praying the prayer that never fails, kidneygurl
