Saturday, Feb. 14, 2004 - 10:15 P.M.
It has been a week since Richard went back under the knife on Sunday a.m. to get wire-lead-thingie hooked back up . The pacemaker he has is referred to as a "demand" pacemaker because they respond to your heart's needs; they activate when your heart rate is too slow and they switch off when your heart rate is too high.
He was released from hospital on Monday. It's been a blurry week of me hovering over him at home and trying to "watch" him, reminding him NOT to lift his arms and keeping him still as he sleeps on his back. And keeping track of the kidney medication times. Yesterday , a follow-up appointment with heart office and me asking the dumb questions like: Did he REALLY need the pacemaker ? Yes, I asked that. Because he was mumbling about not really needing it and I forgot about the test reports and in that river called Denial I asked that.
Interesting fact of the day: There may be a personality change after heart surgery. They don't tell you that in the Dr's office. They have booklets "Emotions and Your Heart " on the Take One Board but they do not talk about it to you. I should have remembered from when my father had his first heart surgery. I didn't. And so I found myself getting very upset after an episode of what is described in that booklet happened.
Mood swings and depression are normal feelings after surgery.
I would be very selfish if I were to hold him accountable for the post-surgery craziness that happened. If you are reading this and know what I mean, then fine. If not, just remember for future reference what I said :
Mood swings and depression are normal feelings after surgery.
There are 2 full stacks of "Emotions and Your Heart " on the Take One Board. Nobody takes them I guess. I took one and read it but I thought it would be different in our situation. Wrong.
I am happy to report that we are okay now. I have come too far to be anything less than glad that Richard is alive and I will get through this situation.
Nobody said it would be easy but it is definitely worth it. Love covers a lot of stuff.
Thank you to all who wrote and left notes; it is appreciated and I draw strength from you. 
